Movie Monday: Cobra

Although Stallone has given us 2 of the most-loved action movie franchises, Rambo and Rocky, he has also turned out some other gems in his time.

My personal favorite will always be "Cobra". Cobra made me want to be a rouge, vigilante cop (which is a dream I still need to work on).

Look at this guy.

Note to self: Start chewing a match

From the 80's to the early-mid 90's, awesome guy movies were made. Although there are still some good guy movies being churned out there, nothing will ever compare to me. These movies were filled with stereotypes, cheesy one-liners, on-screen boobs for no reason and needless explosions. Current action films try to hard to be "serious" and I can't subscribe to that.

Cobra drives a bad-ass old Mercury.

He uses a 1911 .45 with cobra grips (it was actually a 9mm prop gun)

He enjoys a cold beer like any real man.

and delivers awesome one-liners such as:

"You're the disease, and I'm the cure."

"You know what's bad for your health? Me."

Supermarket Killer: Get back! I got a bomb here! I'll blow this whole place up!"

Cobra: "Go ahead. I don't shop here."

If you want a riveting, well-written, thought-provoking and award-winning move to watch, go get "The King's Speech" or "The Piano" or some crap. Also, go shave your legs, Nancy.

If you want everything that is awesome, go watch Cobra.

Movie Monday

I am going to try to have some sort of re-occurring post topics on here and I am going to start with Movie Monday. If you have any suggestions please feel free to send them to me. I will either review the movie, or make fun of you. Reader beware ;)

Friday the 13th NES

Did anyone have this game as a child?

I did not.

However, I did rent it from Movie Gallery and Rabbit Records about 10,000 times. Of those 10,000 times I rented it I never completed it.

You could play one of six different teen-aged camp counselors at a time. All but 2 (1 girl and 1 guy) were 100% worthless. The fat guy deserved to die immediately. He couldn't do anything and made me, as a fat kid, feel worthless.

The cream of the summer job crop.

You started out the game with a pretty sweet weapon, the rock.

It worked like this...you threw it at whatever was trying to kill you (zombies mostly, even though there wasn't any sort of zombie outbreak in the Ft13th movies). The rock travels in an arc that invariably goes right over the zombie's head unless you duck or only attack them when they are really far away, or really close to you. Oh yeah, you have to hit the zombies 3 times with this weapon. So unless you are playing Chrissy or Mark, who are Olympians compared to the others, you might die fighting the first couple of enemies you see on the screen.

Here is Laura, about to die immediately.

The good news is you can find several better weapons, including a knife, ax, machete, torch and pitchfork. They are found by randomly jumping around and some only appear after certain achievements are completed. What are those achievements? Nobody knows, so don't ask me.

Sometimes a highly annoying beeping sounds occurs. What does that mean? It means Jason is about to kill one of the counselors off-screen or some of the 15 children who's parents were dumb enough to send their kids to Crystal Lake. You have a choice of either going to save the day (and get killed by Jason) or letting Jason murder whoever he wants. All choices suck. If you let the kids all die you get this ray of sunshine.

All the kids are freaking dead.

This is obviously in the awesome 80's and not the pansy nowsies.

If Jason attacks a counselor and you do nothing, you lose a player character and can get this screen.

If I am dead, how can I read this?

As with many old-school NES games, this game was amazingly hard. I remembered finally "beating" it while at Josh Stokes' house one night. We were so excited that we had finally killed Jason. Well guess what? We didn't kill him. We just beat him for one "night".

HUH!?!?!?!

Cool, now you get to go kill Jason 2 more times...and each time he gets faster and stronger.

I did mention that it is VERY hard to kill him on Day 1, right?

If you are amazing at video games i.e. using a Game Genie, you can beat Jason 3 times and get this screen.

This should prepare you for a lifetime of disappointing returns on hard work.

Also, you cheated. I was very good at being a dorky, video-game-playing fat kid and

I couldn't do this.

Nowadays, this game could get you put in jail for Child Abuse...unless you are Casey Anthony.

Fun and Rewarding

Got nothing better to do with your free time? Start stacking dominoes. This guy did and it has become a fun and rewarding hobby.

Check out the video if you don't believe me.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GPjddqhB7f8

HAHA! Psyche! This hobby sucks.

He says it only took him about 30 hours of actual work, so no big loss.

NOOOOOOOO!

http://www.metro.us/newyork/blog/post/865405--ghostbusters-firehouse-could-close

I just recently heard that the Firehouse the Ghostbusters worked out of is set to be closed. If I had an Ecto-Cooler, I would pour one out for you, Ladder 8.

However....every cloud has a silver lining. Maybe now it will go for sale and Bryan Parker, Josh Stokes, Josh Beverly and myself can purchase it and play Ghostbusters all the time. *Sigh* Yes, I will be Winston again.