Really? Yeah really!

Colon Flow? Did I just see an ad for something called Colon Flow while at the gym? Was Crap Creator already copyrighted? I had every intention of coming on this blog and making fun of this product without mercy, but as I sat here typing jokes it hit me. I love the fact that Colon Flow tells you EXACTLY what it is here for. There's no pretentiousness here. I see commercials for drugs that have a handsomely-aged man with perfect salt-and-pepper hair. He is working on a classic muscle car (because all guys get one at age 40 according to the television) and then he is driving it down a scenic road on a cliff with the ocean in the background. The announcer starts talking about something called "Axelpra". He tells you that the side-effects include dry-mouth, vomiting, diarrhea, dizziness, amnesia, the inability to say the word "cheese", your eyelids may fall off and death. Ok, so you have listed all the side-effects, but what does Axelpra do? Does it make you work on cars better? Does it make you a handsome 45-year old male? I guess they are about to tell us. Wait, it faded to black and now a Geico commercial is on. That's it? "Ask my doctor about Axelpra!?" I won't even ask my doctor about the bone sticking out of my leg after a car wreck.

With all of that being said, thank you Colon Flow. I appreciate your honesty and so does this lady...

Baby you're a firework...

I have decided that I want to own a firework stand. On 231, south of Montgomery, there is a HUGE fireworks warehouse. This building sits empty and unused 48 weeks out of the year and is quite large. How much is the rent on this building? You can pay that for a year by being open for 4 weeks and selling bottle rockets to rednecks!??!?!

How is that possible? I also saw a sign that said "Buy 1 get 4 Free"..... So let me get this straight...you sell a product that you only sell for one month a year, can afford to give away 4 for every 1 you sell, and still pay for an expensive building and make profit?

Sign me up....

P.S.- A very special THANK-YOU to all of the Chinese children that make fireworks for 13 cents a day so that my friends and I can drink beer on a boat and shoot fireworks to celebrate our independence. That is until your country takes over.

Starting over...

I have decided that it is time to give this another go. I used to enjoy blogging immensely, but really got out of the habit. It really is a shame for you, my loyal readers, to miss out on all of the wonderful things I have to say. So, here goes nothing... I am starting this puppy back up and i hope you guys enjoy.

Thanks

New Joint-Venture Blog

Hey Guys! I know I have really been dropping the ball when it comes to blogging, but I would like all of that to change in the near future. Mary Margaret has decided that she wants to start a blog and has asked me to help her with it. How could I say no to this face?

So please check us out at http://deepsouthfoody.blogspot.com

Mountain Dew FAIL

As I walked into a gas station on my way to Prattville last night, I saw something that instantly caught my attention. A bottle of Mountain Dew with the old school label. "What's up with this?" I wondered. It was a Mountain Dew Throwback which is made with real sugar instead of High Fructose Corn Syrup. This is supposedly the old formula used in the 70's. I hate to say that as a child of the 80's, I have been weened on HFCS instead of real sugar. It was the worst Mountain Dew I have ever tasted. I was devastated. I can't talk about it anymore I am getting too sad.

Great Swine Flu Comic (Click on the pic to zoom)

Swine Flu

So what's the story with these different animal flus and the sudden "epidemics"?

(Inside a labratory 2 scientists are sitting around, smoking cigarettes and talking...)

Scientist 1: "You know that new strain of flu we discovered in that dirty, third-world country."

Scientist 2: "You mean the one nobody cared about until it affected someone from a industrialized country?"

Scientist 1: "Yes. Not the first one, from a few years ago, but the new one?"

Scientist 2: "Ah yes. Influenza A (H1N1)."

Scientist 1: "Well we have to re-name it. H1N1 just doesn't roll off the tounge."

Scientist 2: "Well, let's ask the Flu Naming Computer."

(Scientist 1 pulls the blue handle)

See n Say....err Flu Naming Computer: "The pig says "OINK!"

Scientist 1: "Eureka! That's it! SWINE FLU!"

Scientist 2: "I bet we can start mass hysteria with this one!"

Scientist 1: "No way. SWINE FLU can be avoided by simple hygenie such as covering your mouth when you sneeze or washing your hands."

Scientist 2: "Who cares? Remember Bird Flu?"

Scientist 1: "HA HA HA! Bird flu! That was a good one!"

Scientist 2: "Dude, let's totally do this, then go get some Chinese food."

Why aren't they using cooler scarier names for these flus since they are so terrible?

Like the T-Virus or something?

Shown Above: Swine Flue according to the media

Off topic: Rest in peace Bea Arthur! Stay Golden and thank you for being a friend!